The Upper Hand

You make me question my strength
Face my weaknesses
And wonder why I stopped existing
To you
Certain moments still haunt like they just happened
As if I still have to explain my actions to you
Why is it so important to me that you know I exist
I know you don't think you're missing out on much
Maybe you're right
Sometimes silence stings
And I think you threw in the towel before I had a chance
And I miss being myself in front of you
Having no apologies
Screaming along to words at a concert
You smiled and put your arm around me
I made you wait til our third date to kiss me
You practically begged me and I found it so romantic
I'd smoke weed with you
And not dive in my head and not get paranoid about what you were thinking
Or how you saw me
Now you just don't see me at all
And sometimes it still really stings
And every time I run into you
I buckle at my knees and my stomach turns
I don't think I was given enough time to hate you
I think eventually I would have resented you
And your resistance to grow up
I don't think we were meant to be together
But why can't I find the way to just forget about you
Maybe I can't accept who you are
Maybe I just wish you were better
Or different
Or in love with me
So I could be the one to leave
And always have the upper hand