Am I Fucking Insane?

It's been a long running joke between my friends and I that we are all crazy. I think that's why the philanthropy girl and I get along so well. We are both these "tortured artists" and shit is just so deep it hurts. Sometimes when we hang out it really is just too much, but we love every moment of it. If someone didn't know us and was to follow us around, I can only imagine what they might think. Maybe that's why we started shooting a reality show and then lost it, for being too real. People don't really want to hear about the crap that goes on.

This week I've started taking my first real writing class. It is based around personal essays and what you need to sell them. It teaches you how to target it at a publication and how you need to alter it to make it more understandable. All I know is that I love to write, and that is probably at least half the battle.

The other night over dinner someone asked me what I wanted to write about. "What do you mean?" He asked me if I wanted to write editorials or what else there is. LOL. I replied with, "No, I want to write about myself." And It's true. I want to write about me. Not because I feel like I'm more interesting then anything else, but because I want to figure myself out. Who doesn't? I think that I probably think about figuring myself out more then the average person, but who wants to be average anyways?

It is weird to write on here and feel like I get to free so much of myself and then to take a story and try to give it structure with meaning and points. To try and make things more funny, beautiful, and sad. And anything that you say can be taken so many different ways, so you try your best to be as direct as possible.

I've only written one piece for my class so far, and it is so much harder then I thought it would be to accurately tell my story. Just when I think I can put a gold star on top of the page I find that there are unanswered questions and that "I" am making my way sound one way when I meant another. It's hard to put how you see yourself down on paper. Only in writing this story do I question my sanity. In my story I was aiming for quirky and instead I read "insane". I became defensive when really, maybe I am just a bit insane? I'd rather be insane then boring though, boring I am not.