When Songs Attack

At the age of 11 I really started to listening to music and paying attention to the lyrics. My first love was of course Alanis Morissette and then everything had become history. That was apx. the same age I started to put music and emotions together. I found that I could control emotions based on the type of music I were listening to. I also find that music can deepen an emotion and sometimes help you through things. Yes, all of this seems basic and we have all thought these things before, no?

Every time I go through a break up I always attach a song to the person, something about the sound, the lyrics, or just where my head is. I have a song for everyone in my life that has ever meant something to me.

With my recent relationship it has been the song Cold Desert by Kings of Leon. This is kind of funny because I had never heard the song until I recently downloaded the album a week or so ago. I'm not sure exactly why I attach it to this particular person, so I assume that it is more so about how I feel and less about him.

The Attack:

Yesterday I was in Brooklyn doing a random shoot and like all shoots, there was music playing. About 30 seconds after I walked in the studio Cold Desert came on. I thought, "What the fuck? Am I going to burst into tears right now? Because I'd rather not." I closed my eyes for a moment and just the emotion pass through me and exit. Put on a smiling face and imagined a gold shield of light protecting me and not allowing the happiness I was trying to convey slip from my body.

The shoot continued as they do and as I were packing my things up, "Glass Vase Cello Case" by Tattle Tale (which I just posted on here a couple days ago), came on. I have never ever in my entire life heard this song outside of me playing it for someone or outside of "But I'm a Cheerleader". I have never heard anything else the group has ever recorded and know nothing of them. I was shocked, just smiled and tried to laugh at the irony of all this. The next song started, and I shit you not, "Breathe Me" by Sia. Just listening to the first few beats of this songs brings me to tears, I used to use it in acting class all the time for sad scenes. At this point I was no longer laughing, but screaming inside, I needed to leave. I took a few deep breathes, and left, but felt as though I barely made it out alive.



I'm on the corner waiting for a light to come on
That's when I know that you're alone
It's cold in the desert, water never sees the ground
Special unspoken without sound

Told me you love me, that I'd never die alone
Hand over your heart, let's go home
Everyone noticed, everyone has seen the signs
I've always been known to cross lines

I never ever cried when I was feeling down
I've always been scared of the sound
Jesus don't love me, no one ever carried my load
I'm too young to feel this old

Here's to you, here's to me
On to us, nobody knows
Nobody sees, nobody but me


"Hand over your heart, let's go home".