3 Days of Falling

"Today is the greatest day I've ever known" -Smashing Pumpkins

I'm sure that I have quoted that song a million times on this blog. If not, then I have thought of it at least a million times. Not too long ago I saw an interview will Bill Corgan and he spoke about how when he wrote "today" he was living in a storage unit and he wrote it as a joke. It was the most depressing time of his life and the song was supposed to be ironic in sorts.

Today I am more grateful for my friends then I think I have been in a very long time. Sometimes I take them granted, and sometimes I don't give them the attention and care that they need and deserve. At times I also don't give myself the attention and care that I need. Life has been coasting by lately and I haven't really been taking the time to smell the roses and really immerse myself in the world.

Recently I've been emotionally detached and uncomfortable in my own skin.

I easily emotionally detach myself from things so that they are easier to deal with. Lately I have been lonely. I've been having sex, but not the kind that really counts. The kind where you actually want the person to stay the night. The kind where you love to cuddle and wish the morning would never come. It's been a long time since I've felt that way about another person. I don't want a relationship just to have one, in fact, I am totally fine being single. I love being single. But, lately its been snowing in NYC, doesn't romance always seem a little more necessary when it snows? Doesn't it require some sort of organic love energy?

In my new apartment I live on the 28th floor, just outside of Time Square. Two of my wall in my bedroom are all windows, floor to ceiling. I have a breath taking view of Manhattan. Yesterday I woke up and the sky was so filled with snow that I could hardly see the streets below. The people walking with their umbrellas were basically invisible. Flakes of snow fell with the speed of light and crashed to the streets. Huge flakes, so large that I could almost make out the formation of the snow from where my head rested on my pillow. It's moments like that where I wonder if the snow would be more beautiful if someone were laying next to me. It's moments like that where I smile to myself. Although I love the idea of someone watching the sky with me, I am content with myself watching the sky. It's moment like this where I know that my sky is limitless and that this moment just now, this moment, it's just the beginning. And the next moment can be whatever I want it to be.

I can be whatever I want to be.