Psychologist?

Today I went to my second session with a psychologist. I've been in and out of therapy since I were a child and my parents got a divorce. I don't think there is anything wrong with therapy at all, in fact, I truly think that EVERYONE should do and talk to one at some point. But, this one did not work for me. In fact, she ended up making me feel as there really was something "wrong" with me. She told me that all the creative empowering work I've been doing is just to cover the surface, I'm deluded and simply choosing to ignore who I really because I don't want to change. HUH? I walked into her office feeling great, my day was awesome, and I have been working really hard to turn all my negative thoughts and emotions into positive ones.

I told that ultimately, I want to wake up in the morning and be happy. I realize that this is semi ridiculously and that no one is happy all the time. I don't mean that I want to walk around with a huge smile on my face for the rest of my life, but simply that I'd like to have a rather sunny outlook in general. She told me that all the meditation work, the light work, the Artist Way, it is all just covering my real issues that I clearly don't want to dig up and discover. I guess she is partially right, I don't feel like talking about how I don't feel like made my father proud growing up. I already know I feel this way, I can't change that, but why is it so bad to want to simply change how you look at it? She is right, I don't want to cry about every incident that happened to me when I were 5 years old and so on. I don't want to rediscover true pain, I don't want to leave an office every week feeling like shit.

I want to be happy. i don't care how I get there, but yes, I want to be happy. What's so wrong with that? I am carving out my own creative path and starting to really feel good about myself inside, so why was she making it sound as though it is pointless? She told me that there is nothing she can do for me, that I clearly don't want to change, that I have walls up, and its my own choice. She told me that I would take years and years of deep psychological treatment to deal with all my issues and that I don't have the commitment to do so.

Ummm, I know I'm a little complicated and that I can be depressed, but to tell me that I have years and years of issues to deal with seems kind of extreme. She then basically told me that I needed to leave, that there was nothing she could do for me, and that if I wanted to just be happy then I should contact a cognitive behavioral therapist. When I asked her if she had one that she might recommend she said, "no, I don't work with those types of people". At no point did she show any emotion at all that she cared about what I were going through or trying to change. In fact, our session ended twenty minutes early, I paid for the entire thing, and on my way out I said, "have a good night, thank you". Her reply, "Shut the door on your way out, I have a message here I need to listen to".

As I've said, I've been to many therapist, and none, NONE, have ever been to cold hearted and seemingly judging. I understand that there are different types of therapy and that all "specialist" specialize in different types and kinds, but I feel as though the way she addressed me was not even as a human being.

Overall, I just feel as though it was a huge waste of time and money. I went in there thinking that I get a little depressed sometimes and I want to make it better. She left me feeling angry and mad, as though there is some deeply rooted psychological issues that I will never overcome and my entire life will be filled with darkness, and it's all my fault.

Basically, I think she was just a cunt.