Mustard

In the middle of last month I found myself on a mission to blog everyday to keep a constant record of my trip to Florida and following the Smashing Pumpkins on tour. Day 1 went well with this goal, day 2 and so on, not so well. I was more interested in taking in everything around me then I was with getting some writing out everyday. What I also learned, is that when I begin to write the things that really matter to me more flows out easily.

I've been stressed this last couple weeks. I have a play coming up, and although I don't don't have a huge role, I am still stressed about getting everything prepared. One of the actors is on stage the entire play and I have no idea how she is able to do it. She has huge chunks of dialogue through out the entire piece with no break what so ever. Along with that, I have started auditioning again, which is always a great experience and I learn from it every time. My parents are coming next week to visit and see the play. This weekend I have a friend visiting from out of town, work, dress rehearsal, and I am trying to get this story I've been working on completely edited and finished.

This story. Oh, this story I do love so much. It is by far the longest single piece I have put together and I love the feel of it. It has allowed me to move on from an event in my life and give closure to something that I should have closed the door on before it even began. Like anything else, I choose to learn from all experiences. This particular one though, seems to keep popping up just when I think it is gone. It's essentially this monster hiding in the shadows and every time I feel I have banished it, I have a dream, a smell comes in, a song plays, or something equally as meaningless, but meaning everything, happens.I'm ready for it to leave completely. I just wish I knew the finally stages to cut all cords, because snip snip snip, I would.

Lately I've been catching my tongue before I speak and keeping quiet when I want to scream. It's interesting to feel a shift in power when you just choose to say nothing. I'm going to be saying less more frequently.

Step 1: Stop criticizing other people.