Under Construction

I've been meaning to update, to write, and I haven't. I was going to put up an UNDER CONSTRUCTION sign, but then it hit me. It's not the site that's "under construction", it's me.

I can write about tears, heart break, what if feels like to be alone, want love, anger, and hardship. Basically anything that might be hard for most people to express or feel comfortable saying out loud. I'm not normal in this sense. I'm very in touch with my emotional triggers that cause fear, pain, anguish, sadness. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE ABOUT BEING HAPPY. I don't how to put into words how great it feels to just be happy and content. What it feels like to be able to sleep at night and not worry about tomorrow. I have trouble finding words for what it feels like when someone else beings a smile to your face; what it feels like to feel cared for and taken care of. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE ABOUT BEING HAPPY. So I've hit a wall, I've connected to parts of myself that I've not yet really experienced and I'm still learning how to transfer them and express them...

I don't write about butterflies
but sometimes I see them
I don't write about silence in the morning
and how I love to sit in it
I don't write about the warmth and comfort of being held
but I love it
I don't write about how I laughingly force people to watch MY favorite shows
even when I know they hate them
I don't write about rainbows and kittens
but I do wish I had a cat
and rainbows really wouldn't match my apartment
I don't write about being happy
because I don't know how.

For now it's not just me and my ganja.