SEX SEX SEX

SEX

Sex is somewhat of a mystery to me. Don’t get me wrong, I get it (so to speak). But I don’t understand this silent box that it seems to be held in. Growing up sex was hardly ever spoken about in my house, and when it was, it was very hush hush. I consider myself to have been risen in a semi-normal household, so I can only assume that it was quiet in others as well. I never received a direct informative conversation about sex. I took sex education in 5th grade and I think at that point perhaps I was told if I had any questions I could ask. Hmmm… I don’t think in 5th grade you should really be asking your child to bring up sex, its kind of the parents job to make sure they are informed. I think Scott Biao was the teacher in the tapes we watched. That might be the only thing I remember about sex education, oh, that and learning about circumcision. Which I didn’t understand at all, I definitely asked my mom if I were circumcised. I didn’t understand the concept and to think that I had part of my penis cut off was just unfathomable. Yes, I am a white Midwest boy and my parents are Christian, I am cut.
The first time I had sex I was 15, and I thought I was in love. We had been “dating” for a while, 6 months maybe, and afterwards I just remember thinking, “oh… so that was sex…” I think in my head I honestly expected to see fireworks and hear birds sing, or something else. I think I had more fun the first time I smoked weed to be honest. And I’m positive that being stoned lasted a lot longer. Not to bash my ex, I mean we were 15, what do you expect? I grew up in a household where I had it in my head that I would only have sex with one person my entire life, yes; I threw that out the window a long time ago. Then for the next few years I only slept with people I thought I was in love with. The next person I dated for close to 6 months, and then I dated someone for 2 ½ years. So at 21, I had only had sex with 3 people. Thank God, it got better and I became more comfortable with myself and trusted everyone I choose to engage in sex with.

SEX IS NOT LIKE PORN!

I don’t think I can articulate that well enough. SEX IS NOT LIKE PORN. Actually, porn isn’t even like porn. Porn is like any other film process where there are cuts and takes and blah blah blah. Perhaps amateur porn is like real sex, and if you’ve ever seen that, you know it’s just as awkward as real sex can be. I can’t blame porn for anything, yes, it does give you a false sense of what sex and love is supposed to be like, but it is also something that pretty much everyone watches and all normal people enjoy. Would I ever make porn, no way. But I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. I actually know a lot of people that have done porn, and most of them describe it as a time where they needed money or wanted to try it, or just thought why not. I remember having dinner with someone and we were talking about porn and how he or she gets paid so little in general. Pretty much you have to be someone like Jenna Jameson to make a lot of money in the industry and the average pay for a film is something like 500. To my surprise his response was something along the lines of, “oh really, 500? I thought it was less then that. Maybe I would do it?” At that point I choked on my food a bit and then shrugged it off.

WHEN SEX IS THE BEST

It’s corny and it’s so cliché, but sex is the best when you actually care about the other person. This seems like an obvious response, but I speak from experience. I have had sex with people I didn’t care about at all, people that I just wanted to prove I could have, that I wanted to want me, at times when I’ve just not wanted to be alone, horny, or just bored. I’ve had sex when I’ve been happy, depressed and basically all over the board. I’ve had great sex with people that I care deeply about but never dated, people I’ve dated, and great sex with people I wanted nothing more to do with then to have sex with. I’ve also had bad sex in all of these circumstances as well. I’ve had bad sex with someone I thought I loved, someone I hated, someone I hardly knew, someone I’ve known my entire life, and someone I think I knew better then I ever knew myself. And yes, all of this safe sex. Although that sounds like a ton of people, lots of people fall into multiple categories and I don’t necessarily think that the number of people you have sex with matters. Yes, I think there is something special in having sex with only people you care about and want to be in love with, but I can also tell the complete difference in having sex with someone you care about and someone you don’t. And I prefer it with someone I am falling in love with. The moments where you just want to touch every inch of their skin, feel their lips on every inch of your body. When their smells engulfs you, and you are lost in the sheets.

SEX IS BEAUTIFUL

I think sex can be beautiful and I wish that people talked about the beauty of it more. Everyone talks about the dynamics, what goes where and who does what. But no one ever talks about how it should feel. No one ever sets you down and talks to you about the butterflies, about your eyes rolling back in your head, the ecstasy of the simply touch. I think you can tell exactly how someone will be in bed by how they kiss. Kissing in the most important thing in the world. An awkward first kiss I think is usually a sign of something not connecting. I don’t believe in bad kissers, I believe in two people not connecting. Although, it is the worst thing in the world when you pull away and your face is covered in spit, I mean, come on, really? Like who does that? I would love to know who said, “You have to lick their face, rub your tongue all over it.” Seriously, I’ve had spit on my nose before and I’m just like. “What the fuck just happened?” Of course, this is a silent thought; I’m not that much of a bitch, all the time.
For a couple years in my early 20’s I slept with a lot of people, I was searching for something. I was searching for a feeling that I didn’t have a name for, for a feeling that I hadn’t experienced. For something that I can’t name. It’s very hard to find something when you have no idea what you are looking for. And then you think you haven’t found it, so you move on. Lets just say this is normal, I like to believe I’m not a total slut. I’m sure to some, I probably am, but I know a hell of a lot more people that would say I’m not. I try to always have the best intentions, but sometimes you have to trip and make mistakes to learn. I don’t regret anything I’ve done, I’ve just made an effort to learn from it all.

CONCLUSION

I’m not sure why I feel the need to throw this all out there, but I do. I think sex is tip toed around and then people become misinformed. I wish parents talked to their kids about sex, and I wish kids would feel ok asking questions. I think sex is brought up as a fantasy with no realism. I think all too often people are just searching for things that don’t exist, or that already exist within themselves. Everyone has the power to feel amazing alone, easier said then done, I know. I know this first hand in more ways that I can even begin to explain. Aloneness is something that I know I’m not the only one that has trouble and struggles with the concept of. I can be in a room of 100 people and feel alone, I can be in my apartment alone and feel alone, and I can lie in bed next to someone and feel alone. But I can do exactly the opposite as well.
Kiss all the frogs I say, kiss everyone you can. Because you never what a kiss will turn into and sometimes frogs surprise you. Sometimes you never know what you can have because you never try. And have sex. Have beautiful, wonderful, emotional sex. I feel like I need to throw in have safe sex, but I assume that is a given, or at least it should be.

XO,
T